I want to talk about Depression (without suggestions) and hear patiently if you have something to say.

I have been dealing with Depression for the last two years. On the surface, it feels that I am super busy with work (which I am) and quite content with my work. But inside there is inherent sadness and lack of hope - What’s there in this life, that I have not already witnessed?

I have tried therapy. But it’s inherently flawed in India if you’re bit intelligent. Most of the counsellors either ask dumb questions or don’t consider your EQ and IQ while talking. On days, when I have no work, I feel everything to be purposeless and unnecessary.

I can’t sleep all the time. That gives me a feeling of guilt like I’m useless, and I am not doing anything or any work. All the people that I know, know me because of my work and never ever I have been taught how to create strong personal bonds, unrelated to work.

Abuse/Bullying on social media makes it more difficult. It gives me a feeling that this world is not worth living. I have thought about suicide multiple times, but some work or another have stopped me.

People who ask “Why” or “Gone too soon”, doesn’t know/care what’s happening with others. I have tried telling it to a few people, but they don’t believe that I can be dealing with such a thing. They don’t mock, but they don’t listen to it patiently as well.

Parents have realised lately, but still, it doesn’t cross them as the first reason for my anxiety. It’s either work or just a prolonged numbness. I don’t know what went through Sushant Singh Rajput, but I will not even try to make a guess.


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Ten years in the industry 🎉

I have been now creating software for more than ten years. On July 17, 2009, I submitted the first code and documentation to the project called Brihaspati 2 by IIT Kanpur. Brihaspati 2 was an e-learning system used by various... Continue →