On Osmosis

Capturing my spontaneous movement.

Page 2

Sayonara Manjiri ❤️

One year ago, today around the same time, Manjiri passed away (at least that’s what people told me). A fucking construction brick thrashed her head while she was on her way home from school. I knowingly didn’t go to see her one last time. I stayed in Delhi. I thought it would be comfortable that way. I have lost so many near and dear ones in my life, that I thought how sad it could be? I have already seen the depth of this emotion previously. But I was wrong. Life outplayed me this time. I was just not only sad and depressed; I was just all over the place. One moment, I was crying, another moment I was cracking a joke to relief from stress. Next day, I started working. On the same day, I threw all my debit cards, money, jacket and phone and took a train to nowhere (that train was eventually going to Dibrugarh).

Every emotion, not only sadness, haphazardly happened to me and the more I...

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Memories and Moment.

There was a moment today when I felt I could do anything with my life and in my life. Problems cannot stay in my life, too long, as I am willing to solve them.

For the last six years, even when I have not done right, I am doing what I feel like and no one is stopping me from doing it. I have restarted and rebooted all aspects of my life again in less than a year. This has come because of a reason. There has to be a reason for it.
This universe is conspiring for me. And I need to keep doing what I am doing right now. Work has taken me to places, and it will do so in the future as well.

I will never be able to get back what I have lost, but there are higher chances that I get something that I never thought of. There are some exciting things in my plate - one of which started today with a new team. I love this team. No one knows what we’re doing, makes me feel home. It reminds me of my...

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My last birthday.

I got a laptop as a gift on my last birthday from one of my close friends. One day later, it got a minor dent, because it accidentally slipped from my friend’s hand in the afternoon.

It was my birthday that day. For the whole day and evening, I was crying. On that day, and later it seemed (to me and everyone else around me) that it happened to me because of my unnecessary love for devices and my inability to ignore things. I was always blaming myself for crying and making my friend feel bad about it. I was blaming myself on my failure to come out of this.

Every few days, I remember this incident, day and night and feel scared and panicked on what happened with me on that day - on my birthday.

Today I know the reason. I was not crying because I love my devices too much (I do, but not to that extent). The exact reason was: It was my birthday that day. Every kind of people was calling...

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Mirzya stayed with me.


Mirzya (2016) by Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra is rated 4.6 on IMDb. I watched it with a few of my friends in a theatre nearby, and none of them was impressed. The reviews of the film were abysmal, and not people I know have watched this movie.

Mehra known for Rang De Basanti and Bhaag Milkha Bhaag has also directed Aks and Delhi 6. Though Rang De Basanti is a classic, Delhi 6 is my favourite movie on this list. Much like Mirzya, not many people liked Delhi 6.
So, why I liked Mirzya and Delhi 6 more than Rang De Basanti and Bhaag Milkha Bhaag? If I have to answer this in one word, the answer would be - incoherence.

There is a method of storytelling. I am not talking about the three acts of storytelling - setup, conflict and resolution. But I am talking about the math and science involved while converting a story to a screenplay. Rang De Basanti and Bhaag Milkha Bhaag are coherent stories...

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Answers (Part 2)


I look back and see that I have got nothing,
I look up and see bright lights, but the blinding ones,
I straighten my arms and relax my fingers,
Just to notice that they are calm and empty.
No one besides me, No one behind.
Should I stop or should I climb?
And then at this exact moment,
I remember something.
I remember stories.
I love stories.
More when they happen with me, to me.
Hundreds of stories, not the happy ones.
Not sad either.
But stories that help me survive, and thrive,
Grow and think.
Remember and cherish.
And give me hope in this void.
Don’t take me wrong.
I hate plain and boring stories of life.
I never read it.
I read thriller and horror, more than romance and comedy.
I love the people in those stories
and their reactions,
The questions it asked me,
And the answers it ignored.
I love the mix – the blend.
Like music, it helps me breathe.
That’s my answer.
To the question...

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We don’t need managers.


Imagine an office A with cubicles, strict working hours, dress code, no booze in the fridge, no music playing, no team building activity and no say in the decision making.

Now imagine a workplace B with no cubicles, relaxed working hours, no dress code, a fridge full of all kinds of drinks, weekly activities and absolute control over what you do. But there is one catch. Office B has a manager who “micro-manages” things!

Which office will you choose? It appears that most of us will choose workplace B. It sounds so exciting before you join it (like a cool startup). Who will not want to have a Kingfisher anytime in their office, during their working hours for free?

But it turns out, that workplace B is the toughest place to get the work done. One single manager in workplace B can take the enthusiasm out of atleast 100 people. Here are a few ways he/she can do so:

  1. Organising a lot of...

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We will fight.



A lot has changed in the last four years. A lot will change in the next few years. One day it will all end. Someday, one of us will say goodbye (or nothing) and move ahead or step behind. I am not fearful about that. Why fear something that’s bound to happen.

We have worked hard - on things we loved, on things we had no clue about and sometimes on things that came our way. But most importantly we have invested on people. No, I am not talking about money or time. I am talking about the energy we have given to understand them and make them comfortable, at states and situations that were unreliable. There is a possibility that all of this will go in waste. All of this time, money and energy will be useless in a few years (I don’t believe in “Failing is also learning” policy). All of this might fail. I am not fearful about that either. I am not good at number crunching, but the...

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Fighting depression – you are not alone!


I love my work. I love my team – they are the best people to work with. I have no issues with my family. They have provided me with the complete freedom to say and do anything that I want. I have no relationship issues, and I have a beautiful child to talk to.

My intention here is not to brag about myself, but to make you realise that even in such great scenarios, you can have depression – yes the medical condition of depression.

I had depression precisely one year ago. It took me a year to say this to anyone – my great family, my beautiful friends and my little daughter. But today, I can tell you with utmost confidence, that being in depression is sane and not insane.

Here is my story.

How it started?

I work with a startup. While working I realised that everything around me is temporary, most importantly the people. Last year, during this time, some of our interns completed their...

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What makes me hopeful.

This is a fucked up world. Really it is. Women are getting raped. There are a couple of planes going missing. Brothers are planning and plotting to kill each other, and there are millions of people doing absolutely nothing daily.

Still, don’t believe me? Pick a newspaper. Any day. Random one. Read it thoroughly and then tell me one story that inspires you?
But all said, I feel there are some good things around us. We have to look closely.

Here are a few things that make me hopeful:

  1. Down the street, there are two ladies. One runs a shop where she sells Maggi, Coffee and Cigarettes. Other one does not have a shop. She sells eggs. Both are widows. But that’s not the point. This is a college area. Regarding food, there are a lot of options and a hell lot of competition. In the past two years, I have seen people opening their new shops and joints and randomly closing it and shifting to a...

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To Manjiri, my daughter.

I am 25 years old. I have a daughter. I am unmarried. I have adopted her. I have written 20 emails to her based on the emotions she might feel in the future. I might not be here for her. I might be here but not with her. These 20 emails are my experiences and also a summary of all the mistakes that I have made in the last 20 years of my conscious life – half of which I don’t remember anyway!

Here are these 20 emails:

1. Subject: When you go to school for the first time.

Content: Schools are a boring place without friends. You are not going to school to read or write. You are going to school to learn. Learning happens outside your classrooms. Your friends are your best teachers. They will bully you, beat you but ultimately be with you. Share your lunch with them. Eat what they have got. Give them a pencil, sharpener and anything that they need. They are useless anyway. Most...

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